Still I Will Sing

Sometimes we go through trials and the pain of those trials remain. I feel like the trial I am going through is never ending. It’s hard to explain the roller coaster emotions that I’ve gone through. Some days I am okay with not having a baby. Other days… I am not okay with it at all. I feel this emptiness and longing for something that seems like it will never come. Will I ever make my husband a father? Will I ever become a mother?

I don’t understand how most of my friends and family member have babies and I do not. Keeping the hurt of that inside is exhausting. Some days I wear my pain on my face and everyone can tell something is wrong with me. I’ve realized that talking about my pain helps.

What doesn’t work is giving up, keeping it in and doubting God. Last week at church was our youth service. Our Youth Pastor preached about Thomas – the doubter. He gave a whole new outlook on Thomas. Thomas wanted to know for himself what was the truth. He didn’t want to go off the word of others. I realized that I was actually doubting God’s ability to do something, not seeking out His will.

I have a love/hate relationship with God’s correction. I hate that feeling of conviction, but love that God speaks to me and convicts me of things.

I realized that I cannot give up on God. Just because something hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t. Whether we have a baby naturally or by adoption I believe that one day we will have a baby!

In the meantime I will sing! I heard Kari Jobe’s song I will Sing from her new album The Garden this morning.It brought me to tears. My favorite line is “Your word won’t return empty”. How powerful!

I will Song by Kari Jobe

I need to see You here
I need to know You’re in control
Though my heart is torn wide open

I will trust, I will remember

I need to hear Your voice
Speaking to silence all my doubts
Your word won’t return empty
You will break through every darkness

Even when my breath is weak
I will sing, I will sing
Even in my suffering
I will sing, I will sing

I need to feel Your hope
Rising above my greatest fears
Even death has been defeated
I will trust, I will remember

Even when the shadows fall
I will sing, I will sing
Even when the night is long
I will sing, I will sing

Hallelujah
I surrender all to You
Hallelujah
You are God, You won’t be shaken
Hallelujah
I surrender all to You
Hallelujah
You are God, You won’t be shaken

I need to see You here
I need to know You’re in control
Though my heart is torn wide open
I will trust, I will remember

 

God is greater than my fear and pain. He CANNOT be shaken. I will continue praying and trusting in God. He alone can calm my fears and give me peace.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Instead of doubting God, run to him and keep praying and believing.

Love in Christ,

Iva Mae

His Eye is On The Sparrow

His Eye is on the Sparrow by Civillia Martin

Why should I feel discouraged? And why should the shadows come? And why should my heart be lonely? And long for Heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. My constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free! His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled. His tender word I hear. And resting on His goodness I lose my doubts and fears. Though by the path He leads us but one step I may see. His eye is on the sparrows and I know He watches me. And Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free! His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.

Whenever I am tempted. Whenever clouds arise. When songs give place to sighing. When hope within me dies, I draw closer to Him. From care He sets me free! His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me. I sing because I’m happy! I sing because I’m free! His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I never paid attention to the lyrics of this song. It was one of those songs I never paid attention to at all. I don’t even know how I stumbled across this song and the story. I read the lyrics. REALLY read the lyrics. Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart be lonely? When Jesus IS my portion and a constant friend is He.

Those words stuck out to me. Why have I been so discouraged when Jesus is my portion. No job, no person, no wealth, no fame and no material thing can make me happy. My joy comes from the Lord. I read the story of how Mrs. Martin wrote the song. She met a sweet old couple, the Doolittles. Both the Doolittles were in bad shape. Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for almost 20 years. Mr. Doolittle was wheelchair bound, an incurable cripple. They were both happy Christians even though they had it bad off. Mrs. Martin’s husband commented on the couple’s hopefulness and asked what the secret was. Mr. Doolittle said, His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. The Martins were touched by the faith and the simpleness of Mr. Doolittle’s answer. His answer inspired the song that Mrs. Martin wrote that night.

I have been feeling so alone and so discouraged. Hearing this song reminded me that I need not be discouraged. I really like the 3rd verse of the song, Whenever I am tempted. Whenever clouds arise. When songs give place to sighing. When hope within me dies, I draw closer to Him. From care He sets me free! When songs give place to sighing really really stuck out to me. I shouldn’t only sing when I am happy. I should sing through the pain, the trials, the sadness, the joy, the happy times and ALL the times because God has given me that capability to sing praises to Him. My Daddy preached a message a couple of weeks ago about this very thing. He said we can’t lose our song.He preached about how he helped me tare up some carpet and how I was singing. He said that I didn’t my song even though I had gone through so much. Our song leader sang His Eye is on the Sparrow and I was so touched. I love when God speaks to me. He speaks to us in many different ways. He speaks to us through His people, like preachers, and He speaks to us through songs. Songs have always spoken to me. I love lyrics. I read them and I try to study them and think about their meanings.

Psalms 100:1 &2 Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

I am always singing around the house and in my car. I challenge you to really read the lyrics of your favorite song and to think about the meaning. It will really bless you!

 

Love from above,

Iva Mae