God’s Will?

I recently read a verse in my bible that reached out of the page and slapped me. It cut me. It made me angry because I knew it was true.

The verse was 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

I read that and thought oh yah?!? Really?!?! I should be thankful for all the crap we have been going through recently?! This is stupid! I am not thankful for this pain, the burdens, the worrying or anything else! I was angry. I was not happy. I was full of rage. My husband was upset and feeling down and when he hurts I feel the pain. I hate to seem him upset. It kills me. I just wanted to hold him and take all the pain away and make it better but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t understand why God would allow us to have our “bottom” fall out. One thing after another kept happening. I got pregnant then lost the baby. Kyle left his job of 2 years for another job that was supposed to give great benefits and supposed to be great, and it wasn’t. My car decided that it no longer wanted to be alive and started falling apart and we didn’t have the money to fix it. My husband was struggling with not feeling like he was a provider and feeling upset about his job situation. The devil had launched a full blown attack on our home and I was angry at God for it. Even writing this makes me feel embarrassed that I was mad at the wrong person. It’s like DUH IVA!! Hello McFly!!

That is what Satan does. He uses smoke and mirrors to distract us. He is really good at his job. We have to be ready for him. We’re constantly in war. He will do whatever he can to destroy us from doing what we are called to do for God. He doesn’t want us to succeed. He wants to use our failures, past sins, downfalls and mistakes as ways to keep us from moving forward. He will bring up the past and make you feel like God can’t forgive you of your sins. John 10:10 “The thief (Satan) cometh not, but to steal, and to kill and to destroy…”

The bible clearly states that Satan has come to steal. He will steal things like your joy, your peace of mind, your happiness, your health, your finances and whatever else he can get his grimy nasty claws on. He will kill your ministry, your relationships, and try to take your life.He ultimately wants to destroy you.

The second part of John 10:10 says …I (Christ) have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Jesus died for us so that we could live. He was tortured and beaten for you and me. He performed miracles, including calming the raging sea.

I’ve seen little pictures and blurbs around the internet that say Jesus either calms the storm or he calms his child. I think that sometimes he does both.

I’ve always loved the stories in the bible where Jesus calmed the storms. They are some of my favorite ones. Matthew 8:23-27 talks about such an instance. Verse 24 says “And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep.”

I love that last part, but he was asleep. The storms were raging, the boat was filling with water, fears were high, there was chaos all around and Jesus was asleep. The next verse talks about how the disciples awoke him and said Jesus save us!!! He immediately said (vs 26)”…Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.”

Sometimes it seems like God doesn’t see what we are going through. It feels like he doesn’t care and that he is a million miles away. That isn’t true. He does care and he will help you through these storms and give you the strength you need to get through. Sometimes he is quiet. I’ve always heard that a teacher is quiet during a test.

When I was about 5 years old, I was outside swinging on my swing set like most 5 year old girls like to do. I probably had a stuffed animal and had been picking dandelions. A drunk man came from the back of our property and came up close to the house where I was swinging. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at me and my danger alarms started going off. I started screaming to the top of my lungs for my Daddy. My mom came out and the guy kept walking and walked down the road. My Dad wasn’t there, he was at church that evening. Even though my Daddy wasn’t there, I wanted him because I knew he would keep me safe. He went through the park minutes later when he got back home and kicked ever beer can he could find looking for that man.

When I was about 6 we went Easter egg hunting in the park. My Daddy took me and they lined all of the kids up on the spray painted line. They blew the whistle signaling the start of the hunt. All the kids took off. I did too because I was so excited to get some candy and stickers. That didn’t happen though. Most of the kids started pushing and shoving other kids. Every egg I reached for someone took. Someone even took an egg right out of my hand. My Daddy came over to me and grabbed my hand and walked me back to the truck and we went home. He had enough of that and he could see me getting upset.

God is that way too. He sees what we’ve gone through. Just because he doesn’t come when you first call for him to save you doesn’t mean that he doesn’t hear you or that he doesn’t care. Daddys are good for holding our hands and holding us making us feel safe. Even to this day I still feel that love and that his arms are a safe place to be when he hold me.

God answered mine and Kyle’s prayers and our bottom isn’t falling out anymore. All the hardships and all the tears shed and the worry and fear and anger is mostly gone. We always worry a little too much about some things, but for the most part God has given us that peace that passeth all understanding. There isn’t understanding sometimes.

My husband Kyle got an opportunity to work for a Christian man. This man and his wife are wonderful people. He gets to work with two other guys who are also Christians. They pray before going to work and get devotions to read. God laid this job in our laps. I love divine plans. His timing is truly perfect. I also got a new car thanks to my parents. They are amazing and bless me. God has blessed us so much! The other prayer that we have been praying about, a baby, hasn’t happened yet but if it is God’s will it will. It will be perfect as well.

May God bless you all!

Iva Mae

 

 

 

 

Self Mutilation & Destructive Habits Part 2

The other day I did a post about Self Mutilation. I wanted to add a few things today in Part 2.

Some of the things that were triggers for me were the following:

1.      Feeling alone

2.      Feeling isolated

3.      Feeling unworthy

4.      Feeling like everyone hated me

5.      Feeling not good enough

6.      Feeling not pretty

7.      Having people be mean say negative things about me and me believing them

I found the best thing to do is to find something to occupy your mind or and replace the bad activity with a good activity instead.

I love to read. I found reading was an escape from reality for a while. In the books I read I was the main character. I could go to China and Texas in the same day. I could be anyone or do anything I wanted to.

I also found going on a walk was a big help to me. I love nature and seeing all of the trees and flowers. I love walking in the park. I sometimes take my dog with me. Watching her enjoy nature is soothing.

I am not a big fan of working out. (GASP) I know the benefits are great though. When I do work out, it helps me to release stress and negativity. Exercise gives you endorphins which make you happy. It sounds cliché but it is true. During my work out’s I’m usually yelling at the DVD and calling the instructor a devil woman but afterwards I am happy.

The key is to know what triggers the self mutilation and to know what activity to replace the self mutilation with.

Remember you are beautiful! You are unique! You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Psalm 139:14 “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

Self Mutilation & Destructive Habits Part 1

There are so many destructive things we can do to our bodies and souls. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we are heading down a destructive path or what we are doing is destructive. Many things can be destructive.

Physical Destruction can be; cutting, hitting yourself, throwing yourself against a wall, punching things, burning yourself, ingesting poisonous substances or other objects that should not be ingested, drugs, intentionally preventing wounds from healing, sticking objects into your skin, pulling out your hair on your scalp, or other areas, anorexia, bulimia, overeating and anything else where harm is done to your body as a form of emotional release. Other forms may not be as obvious like, driving recklessly, binge drinking, taking too many drugs, prescriptions meds or over the counter meds, having unprotected sex and fighting.

All of the above can be dangerous if you don’t get help. I understand what it is like to have these feelings. People don’t talk about this kind of stuff very much. I want to get this out in the open and let others know you’re not alone. Self Mutilation is very common among adolescent girls and young women. The most common self mutilation is cutting. Most girls who self mutilate will cut their thighs, stomach or arms.

A common misconception about self mutilation is that the people, who do it, do it for attention. That is not true in most cases. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was harming myself. I was embarrassed that harming myself was a release for pain. The problem with harming yourself is that the release is only temporary. It can lead to bigger problems like accidentally going too far with the harm. You can cut yourself too deeply and end up dying. I ended up messing up my knee so badly I had to be in physical therapy and on crutches. Not telling someone could set you up for failure. It can make you feel worthless

Other common misconceptions about self mutilation are; people who do it are crazy & dangerous, want to die and if the wounds are bad -it’s not serious.

None of those are true. If you are self mutilating, you are not crazy! Most people who self injure find a release that words cannot give. Most do not want to die. No matter how big or small the wound, self mutilating is serious. If you are hurting yourself or you know someone who is, please get help.

When I ended up in physical therapy, I realized that enough was enough. I had to stop this. I stopped physically abusing myself. I didn’t confide in anyone because I was too afraid of what they would think of me. I should have gone to someone I trusted, like a guidance counselor, teacher or youth leader. All those people are there to help you. Instead I started on a road to eating disorders. I wouldn’t eat for a while, and then I would get so hungry I would overeat and feel bad about eating too much, so I would throw up. Everything was done in secret. No one I was friends with knew about anything that was going on with me. I kept it all to myself. My parents and grandparents didn’t know anything about it either. I was so concerned with looking good so people would like me I lost myself. I became the addiction. Eventually the anorexia and bulimia turned into just overeating. I would eat whatever I wanted not giving a thought to my health or well being.

Luckily for me college changed a lot for me. I chose to eat healthy and take the stairs when I could and walk everywhere. I still would indulge in chocolate cake or chips & pop every once in a while but I didn’t need it every day. Unfortunately while in college I went through a bad break up in 2009 and it brought up a lot of my old problems. I stopped eating. I got down to 120lbs. I am 5’ 7 ½” I should weigh anywhere from 140-150. I was about 20 lbs underweight. I decided that it was okay because it was better than being overweight. What made me stop eating was I hate that every time I would eat it would make me sick. The stress was overwhelming and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Instead of keeping my feelings inside, I let them out but not in a good way. I was one of those girls who said way too much on Facebook. I said a lot of things I can never take back. Instead of going to God and talking to him and my friends, I told everyone.

All of my behavior was destructive and left me in a state of confusion and my anger took over. My eating habits grew worse and so did my health. I couldn’t sleep at night and started taking sleeping pills/antidepressants. I ended up almost overdosing because the prescription was too strong. I woke up screaming and puking. My Mom came in my room and I couldn’t even tell her my name or go to the bathroom by myself. She started to call 911 but luckily I started waking up and I knew what my name was finally. The next morning I flushed the pills down the toilet and vowed I’d never take anything like that again. I started eating and exercising in late 2009. I found out I liked Zumba. I still didn’t get that you should eat healthy because it makes you feel better. I didn’t know you can’t out exercise a bad diet. I found a good friend, Kyle, who I could trust and talk to about anything. We would talk for hours and hours. I never knew he liked me and didn’t think he would date me because he was my ex’s friend. We both secretly liked each other for a long time. I ended up dating someone else and we stopped talking. I missed talking to Kyle and thought of him a lot.

In January of 2010, Kyle and I started hanging out as friends. In March we started dating. We got engaged in July and married in November. We originally planned to get married in June of 2011 but my Grandma Nickels was diagnosed with cancer and opted out of chemo. My Dad told me that if I wanted her at my wedding I needed to have it before the end of the year.

Since my wedding was moved up and I was trying to finish school, a lot of stress was added on me. I began to overeat. I still fit in my wedding dress, but I knew I had gained some weight. Looking at my wedding pictures I realized how much weight I gained and it made me depressed. Kyle and I had a very hard 1^st year of marriage. Kyle’s job fell through and he went without a job for a while. My Grandma Nickels died in June of 2011, our car broke down and the repairs were beyond our budget. Kyle got a job at Sears and worked odd hours. My Grandpa Wagoner died in November of 2011 and my Mom became primary care giver of my Grandma. I tried to help her where I could but I fell short. I got depressed because Kyle and I weren’t getting along. I became defensive and so did he. My problems of the past of feeling not good enough came back. I accused him of going to this church to see a girl which wasn’t true. I thought because I had gained weight that he didn’t want me anymore. We almost split. Thankfully we had two good Godly people in our life to talk to us and help us see that all these bad things were happening because Satan wanted to destroy us and we were letting him. All my life Satan has tried to destroy me and my light for God. I’ve been a self mutilator, had eating disorders, depression and I listened to the lies from the mirror and let my confidence be ruined.  God can still use me and he can use my past to help others. I am proud to say I survived and am glad to look back to see how far God has truly brought me. I am learning to love myself and my body.

If you struggle with any of the things I’ve mentioned above about self mutilating please get help. Talk to someone who you trust. Sometimes a church leader or a teacher may be easier to talk to because they are removed from your situation. Remember you are not alone. Loving yourself and who you are isn’t easy. Say something nice to yourself out loud in the mirror every day. When I do, I have a better day.

 

If you need help and don’t know who to talk to about self mutilation, you can call S.A.F.E. 1-800-366-8288.

If you are struggling with a crisis and contemplating suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

 

I got a lot of my information from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

They have ways to cope and give information that can be helpful in overcoming.

 

Below are verses that have helped me out during all of the things I went through:

1 Corinthians 3:16 “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?”

 1 Corinthians 6:19 & 20 “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are brought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

 1 Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”